


If I Die Young

by Lenni51074



Series: Avengers Songfics [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Basically we are ignoring the character deaths in Endgame, Because quite frankly they deserved better, Death, Gen, Not Canon Compliant, everybody else lives, nobody else dies, original character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 23:31:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19239310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenni51074/pseuds/Lenni51074
Summary: Just a short fic about what happens when the Avengers lose one of their own – you.Let’s just pretend that YOU were the one to sacrifice yourself on Vormir for the Soul Stone, but Clint was able to bring your body back home with him when he returned, so that everybody can say their goodbyes. Natasha is still safe and sound, Tony didn’t lose his life defeating Thanos, and you were the only casualty.Also, Loki was an Avenger too, because if we’re going to be messing with timelines anyway, then why the hell not?Basically, we are ignoring what happened to all of our favourites in Endgame, because it’s fanfiction so we are allowed to bend things to our will.





	If I Die Young

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics from the song “If I Die Young” by The Band Perry

_If I die young, bury me in satin_  
_Lay me down on a bed of roses_  
_Sink me in the river at dawn_  
_Send me away with the words of a love song_

__

Natasha finished brushing your hair, even as Wanda put the finishing touches to your makeup.  
  
“She looks beautiful, as always,” Wanda said softly.

“We wouldn’t expect anything less for our girl, would we?” asked Nat. She cupped your face gently, her thumb caressing your cheek. “Nothing but the best for our Y/N." 

Wanda’s lower lip trembled as she placed the bouquet of red roses in your hands. “She deserved better.”

Nat hugged the younger woman. “Yes, she did. But she wouldn’t have regretted how things ended.”

Wanda smoothed the front of your white satin dress – a medieval-style gown that you had worn to Tony’s New Year’s Eve party when you dressed as the Lady of the Lake – and pressed a kiss to your forehead, tears falling from her eyes. “Sleep well, возлюбленная,” she whispered.

Natasha kissed her fingertips before pressing them to your lips in farewell, her own eyes suspiciously red. “Goodbye, милая девушка.” 

**********************************

 _Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother_  
_She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colours,_  
_Oh, and life ain't always what you think it oughta be, no_  
_Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby_

 

Steve looked almost offended as the sun came up over the horizon. He snarled viciously, “It should be raining. Why is the sun shining?”

Thor sniffed loudly. “Forgive me, Captain. I could not bring myself to make it rain today. Lady Y/N always loved the sunshine. I could not send her to Valhalla with a thunderstorm, even though there is one in my heart.” 

Steve threw a contrite look at the God of Thunder. “I apologise, Thor. I know how fond you were of her.”  
  
“We all were, Cap. She brought out the best in all of us,” Tony muttered. “Although I do agree with you. Rain would be a much more fitting send-off.”

“No! It will not rain on her this day. Once she has departed this world, it will rain for a week. This I promise you.” Thor stalked off, noisily blowing his nose into a handkerchief.

Steve and Tony continued to stare out of the window, glaring at the sunrise as if it had personally betrayed them both.  
  
“I still can’t believe she’s gone,” Tony whispered.

“Me neither. I feel like I’m in a nightmare, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t make myself wake up. I keep screaming and nobody hears me.” A tear slid down Steve’s cheek, which he dutifully ignored.

Eventually, Tony clapped a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “We should probably make sure everything is ready. It’s nearly time.”  
  
Steve nodded reluctantly, and the two of them headed downstairs to greet the gathering throng.

**********************************

 _If I die young, bury me in satin._  
_Lay me down on a bed of roses_  
_Sink me in the river at dawn_  
_Send me away with the words of a love song_

_The sharp knife of a short life,  
Well I've had just enough time_

 

Bucky and Sam stared out over the lake, watching the sun come up.

The former Winter Soldier was absentmindedly twirling a knife in his hands. It was much more ornate than the one he used when he was the Fist of HYDRA. This was exquisite, delicately yet perfectly balanced, and painfully sharp. A cherished gift from his not-so-secret Santa the last Christmas before the Decimation. 

Sam huffed. “It ain’t fair.”  
  
“No, it ain’t,” Bucky agreed. For once, he and Falcon were of the same mind. “She should be here, watchin’ the sun rise over the lake like always.”  
  
“She always did like her early mornings. As long as they didn’t involve exercise,” Sam chuckled.

Bucky snorted. “Remember when she nearly decked Steve for suggesting she join us for a run, seeing as how she was already up?”  
  
“Yeah. _‘Just ‘cause I’m awake, Cap, it don’t mean I’m ready to do things.’_ Man, she had a mouth on her.” Sam’s smile faltered a bit at the memory.

“Sure did. Sassiest dame I ever knew. Loved an argument more than Steve used to love gettin’ into fights,” Bucky said. “Loved being an Avenger, too. She loved all of us, even when we didn’t deserve it.”

Sam clapped a hand to Bucky’s shoulder, the closest the two of them got to displaying any sort of affection for one another. “She always thought we deserved her love, Buck. She loved us enough to sacrifice her life in order to bring us back, and we need to honour her memory by continuing to live. For her.”  
  
Bucky’s expression grew even more melancholy. “It’s just so hard, Sam. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to live in a world without Y/N in it.”  
  
“Me, neither. But we gotta try. She’d want us to try.”  
  
Bucky didn’t trust himself to say anything. He just continued to stare out over the lake in silence, grateful that Sam was beside him on what was surely going to be the hardest day of their lives since returning from the Soul Realm.

**********************************

 _And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom_  
_I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger_  
_I've never known the lovin' of a man_  
_But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand_

 

“Darling,” Loki started, then stopped. His throat constricted, almost as it felt when he dreamt that he was having the life choked out of him by Thanos. For once, he held a hand that was colder than his. 

Taking a deep breath, he tried again. “Darling, I know I never told you this anywhere near enough. Not at all, in fact. But you were the one person that made life in this miserable realm tolerable. You always treated me as a friend, even when I didn’t deserve it.”

A small sniff. “ _Especially_ when I didn’t deserve it. From the moment we met, you acted as if I were worthy of your friendship. As if you were my Mjölnir, and I was truly good enough to hold you. If that were even remotely true, it would be me lying in your place at this moment.”  
  
Loki placed the small emerald ring on your finger reverently. “Please, carry this small token of my affection with you into Valhalla, for I will carry your affection for me in my heart until the end of days.”

Caressing your face softly, he whispered, “Farewell, _kæru hjarta_. I will see you again in the halls of Valhalla.”  Pressing a tender kiss to your lips, Loki took his leave, hoping desperately that none were there to witness this moment of weakness.

**********************************

 _There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever_  
_Who would have thought forever could be severed by_  
_The sharp knife of a short life,_  
_Well I've had just enough time_

 

Peter Parker had felt heartache before. After Uncle Ben died, he wasn’t sure he’d ever know what it felt like to be happy again. But he had eventually smiled again, because he’d had Aunt May and Ned and MJ, and then Mr Stark, and eventually the rest of the Avengers. Especially you. 

You, in particular, had helped to heal his pain. Always ready with a giant Slurpee in one hand and a box of donuts in the other every time he arrived at the Compound. Every time, you greeted him with one of those beautiful smiles that told him that you were actually glad to see him. You never treated him as if he was just some dumb kid, like he knew some of the others saw him. You saw him as a friend. A much younger, slightly dorky and most definitely annoying friend, but a friend nonetheless.

You had known about his not-so-obvious crush on you. How could you not have? It was just one more secret that Peter had been absolutely incapable of keeping. He pretty much swooned whenever you were within eyesight. The older Avengers mocked him mercilessly for what they called his ‘puppy love’ for you, but you had always continued to treat him with respect and undisguised affection, even though he knew it was purely platonic. You had never made him feel silly for crushing on a woman almost ten years his senior, or told him that you only thought of him as a brother, or felt embarrassed that a kid was so clearly pining after you. You just continued to act the same as always around him, with good humour and affectionate teasing, which just compounded his love for you.

His grades in Spanish and French had improved enormously since you’d offered to tutor him in both. God, he could have listened to you speak French for hours. It was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever heard in his life, and now he was never going to hear it again.

A sob tore from his throat before he realised what was happening. Peter tore at his hair as the tears streamed down his face.

_I’m never gonna see you again, Y/N,_ he thought. _And I never got to tell you how much you mean to me._ He was positive that you knew, but still, he should have told you. Just once. Just to make sure.

No, Peter realised that he had never really known heartache before. Not until this very moment. Because he was certain that his heart would never be free of this pain as long as he lived.

**********************************

_So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls  
What I never did is done_

Scott was having trouble with his tie, as usual. Dammit, where was Y/N when he needed her? She always knew how to fix these things. 

Scott’s heart clenched at the memory. Gone. You were gone, with no possible hope of ever returning. He still had trouble reconciling his mind, and his heart, to that fact.

You had befriended him from the moment he’d joined Team Cap in Germany, all wide eyed and completely clueless as to the enormity of what he was about to get involved in. Your smart mouth and relentless optimism, even when faced with the prospect of spending the rest of your life on the Raft, were the only things that got him through that period of incarceration. When you’d all been released, and he’d opted for home detention so that he could remain near his daughter, you had stayed in touch. He’d enjoyed your visits to San Francisco whenever Cap permitted you to sneak away for a few days – life on the run was difficult, and lack of contact with those closest to you took a toll on your eternally sunny disposition.

Scott never imagined for even an instant that he’d see this day. He’d been stuck in the quantum realm for five years without realising how long it had been. Five years of not seeing your face, and yet it felt like the blink of an eye to him.

Then he’d been brought back, and the unbridled joy on your face at seeing him again had been overwhelming. He hadn’t understood how much his friendship had meant to you until you launched yourself at him when he walked through the doors of the Compound, clinging to him as if you never wanted to let him go. Telling him over and over again how he was an idiot, and that if he ever made you feel that way again you would kill him.

The two of you had only strengthened your bond, growing even closer now that you were once again constantly in each other’s company. Laughing over the smallest of things. Inside jokes that only the two of you understood. Kindred spirits whose friendship was slowly but surely evolving from platonic into something deeper.

And now, just when he finally felt brave enough to even consider confronting the depths of his feelings for you, you had been snatched away from him. From everyone. Once again, his chance for happiness had been taken away through no fault of his own. 

With a sigh, Scott abandoned his tie. No point in trying to continue an exercise in futility. You always preferred him less formally attired, anyway. Shrugging on his jacket, he slowly made his way to the lake, still not ready to say farewell to his best friend.

**********************************

 _A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar_  
_They're worth so much more after I'm a goner_  
_And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'_  
_Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'_

Bruce looked at the crowd of people gathered by the lake in the early morning sunlight. He’d agonised over the words he was going to say today. The team had requested that he provide your eulogy, knowing that he’d be able to say much more eloquently everything that they were feeling. Reluctantly, he had agreed.

His sad gaze fell on all there. Director Fury, looking even more sombre than usual. Agents Coulson and Hill standing at attention, their respect for you obvious. Tony and Steve manfully attempting not to cry. Thor, Peter and Scott not even pretending that their hearts weren’t broken. Natasha and Wanda consoling Loki, of all people. Bucky, Sam and Clint staring sadly at the boat containing your body, covered in rose petals and white satin.

There were many others here to say their final farewells to you. Other employees of S.H.I.E.L.D and Stark Industries; friends and neighbours from school and college; people whose lives had been impacted in some way by you; and, most heartbreaking of all, your parents, inconsolable as they mourned the loss of their only child.

Finally, his brown eyes looked upon you for the final time. You looked completely serene. He knew that this was because you had made your peace with your fate, knowing the outcome of what had to occur in order to bring the Soul Stone back from Vormir so that Thanos could be defeated. Your soul was at peace.

With a soft sigh, Bruce began speaking.

“While I wish we were all here under different circumstances, it fills my heart with… not joy, exactly, but… a certain sense of satisfaction, I suppose, to see so many of us here to honour our good friend, Y/N.”

 

“I see the faces of people of all ages, with many different reasons for knowing Y/N. But we all have one thing in common: our love and admiration for a woman who always stood up for what she believed in, even in the face of immeasurable adversity, even when she knew that most of the world would be against her.”

A pause to collect himself, his grief nearly overwhelming him. Taking a deep breath, Bruce continued.

“A woman whose capacity to love was beyond measure. Who showed her affection for those around her in myriad little ways. A box of donuts to bribe a reluctant teen to do his homework; packets of blueberries hidden around the Facility for whenever Tony felt peckish; a new CD of music for the super-soldiers to listen to; a hug or a smile for whoever she felt needed cheering up. No matter who you were or what you did, you were never in any doubt as to how Y/N felt about you.”  
  
Sad smiles from his team mates and everyone else as they remembered you.

“Y/N was something else. She was stubborn, feisty, argumentative, and a hell of a lot of fun to be around. I remember the first time I met her, I felt like a hurricane had descended upon us all. She hurled an epithet of Shakespearean proportions at Loki after he insulted her the minute she arrived, and somehow, rather than killing her, it apparently made him completely enamoured of her.”

Loki actually joined in as everyone laughed, despite his face growing red at the thought of them all realising the depths of his affections for you.

“Y/N was a soldier, a fighter, a respected agent, an Avenger. But most important of all, Y/N was a friend. Someone we could all turn to if we needed a shoulder to cry on. She’d offer advice without judgment. Consolation without pity. Friendship without agenda. These were just some of the qualities that drew people to her wherever she went.”  
  
Wiping the tears that formed despite his efforts to keep them at bay, Bruce drew towards the conclusion of his speech.  
  
“The world lost one of the good ones in Y/N. Some of us might say we lost the best one of all. I know we’ve all felt an immense emptiness since we learned of our loss, and I honestly don’t know if that emptiness will ever leave us. But I’m getting through by reminding myself of all the love that she left behind, and all the lives that she touched while she was here. Y/N could best be described as a force of nature, and when something that powerful leaves you so suddenly, it’s not something that you get over quickly.”

Bruce smiled at all of those gathered before him. “So maybe Y/N’s death isn’t something that we will just ‘get over’. I know I certainly won’t for a good while yet. But I also know that I will never forget her, and so I’m trying to deal with the pain that comes with her loss, because I know that it means that I still have the opportunity to remember her life. I hope that you will all join me in celebrating and remembering Y/N, today and always.”

There wasn’t a dry eye when Bruce stepped away from the podium.

**********************************

 _If I die young, bury me in satin_  
_Lay me down on a bed of roses_  
_Sink me in the river at dawn_  
_Send me away with the words of a love song_

 

Clint stared at the lake, tears welling in his eyes. “I can’t do it.”

He lowered the bow, his hands shaking, head bowed in grief.

Natasha placed a comforting hand on his arm. “Yes, you can, Clint. She wanted this. This was her wish.”  
  
The archer shook his head. “No, it’s not right. I can’t do it. Don’t ask me to do this.”

It had been something the team had discussed before travelling back in time to get the Infinity Stones. What would happen if one of you didn’t make it back. How you wanted to be sent off in the event of your death.  
  
It had been your desire to be farewelled “like one of those Valkyries that Thor and Loki always talk about.” You’d heard their tales of how warriors were sent to the halls of Valhalla if they fell in battle – sent down the river in a longboat, before an archer sent a flaming arrow so that the whole thing caught aflame, sending your soul to the heavens in a shower of fiery sparks. It had captured your imagination, and you had demanded that this be how you were sent to your eternal resting place. You loved the lake at the Avengers Facility, and insisted that when your time came, you wanted to be pushed out into the middle of that beautiful expanse of water at sunrise – your favourite time of day – and then sent off in a blaze of glory. Clint had promised faithfully that he would fire the arrow, unable to resist the puppy dog eyes you threw at him when you’d asked him to ‘do the honours’ if necessary.

Now the time had come, and for once in his life, Clint couldn’t bring himself to hit the target.

Steve came and stood next to the archer. “Clint, you promised her.”

Clint’s shoulders shook as he sobbed, reluctant to loose the arrow that would mean that you were truly gone. Natasha hugged him, silently lending him the strength to fulfil your final wish.

Eventually, his tears subsided. Taking a deep breath, Clint squared his shoulders, and nodded at Nat. She lit the arrow, and he drew back the bowstring, sighted carefully, and released.

 

The arrow flew in a graceful arc and landed in the middle of the boat. A few seconds later, the entire vessel was burning brightly. Clint collapsed to the ground, shoulders heaving once again as he poured out his grief. Natasha and Wanda wrapped their arms around him, while the others watched as the ashes floated towards the heavens.

When Clint lifted his eyes again, you were gone.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> Возлюбленная (Vozlyublennaya) – Beloved  
> милая девушка (Milaya devushka) – Darling girl  
> kæru hjarta – Dear heart
> 
> Apologies if these aren't totally correct, Google Translate isn't perfect.


End file.
